How to Drive A Jedi Crazy and Kill a Mary Sue
by EyesWideOpenPenOut
Summary: Five Fangirls, Four Jedi, Three Sith Lords, Two Jealous Girlfriends, and a Mary Sue come together in one beautiful story. Join some schoolgirls on the adventure of a lifetime, and expect some favorite characters along the way!


**Five Fangirls, Four Jedi, Three Sith Lords, Two Jealous Girlfriends, and a Mary Sue**

**I do not own Star Wars. If I did, the most romantic scene of the saga would actually have lines.**

**This story was inspired by the excellent workings of alsdssg. I am borrowing your sign idea. Just know, you make my day.**

It was a just another normal day at the Jung Jung Academy for the Exceptionally Gifted, and Nicole and Josie were walking down the hall to second period "Meditation as a Tool" class. They strolled up to the door and took note that the greatest sign on Earth had been nailed up yet again. "Entering Portal. Things are getting weird." They had no idea how much of an understatement that would be.

"You know, the last time this sign popped up..." Josie muttered.

"I know, I know. We were almost killed, ran for our lives, and saw more cute guys then our mothers probably saw in a lifetime. We should go ask someone for help."

"Uh huh. Right."

Without further ado, they stomped through the door and came upon the single most glorious sight either of them had ever laid eyes on.

"Ga. Ga.."

"Oh my."

Josie fainted.

"This isn't our classroom!" Nicole declared. "This is a shower containing a very nude Anakin Skywalker!"

**WE INTERRUPT THIS FANFIC TO INFORM THE VIEWING PUBLIC THAT THIS IS A K+ RATED FIC, AND THAT OUR...WHATEVER THEY ARE WILL REMEMBER TO KEEP THEIR THOUGHTS, THEIR FANTASIES, AND THERE IMPULSES IN CHECK.**

**THANK YOU**

"This isn't our classroom!" Nicole declared. "This is a bathroom containing a covered up, robed Anakin Skywalker!"

At this, Josie awoke, and leaping to her feet, shouted, "If this is reality, I should be entitled to see at least some ab muscles! It's my right as an American citizen!

"Um, Josie." Nicole whispered. "I sincerely doubt we are in America anymore."

"What is America?"

"Shut up Anakin."

Nicole froze. After wondering what was going on, Josie froze too. In one synchronized movement, they swung on their heels, and came face to face with the hottest guy the world has ever known.

Then, there was silence.

"Hold on a minute!" Josie shouted. "You're not Hayden Christensen! You're a different guy. Equally hot, but not blonde! WHY AREN"T YOU BLONDE!"

"Actually, my name is Anakin Skywalker. I don't know who Hayden Christensen is. Wait..."

The girls waited for a good 10 minutes before Hayden (It's Anakin) continued.

"That's the name Padme screams whenever we come!"

**A REMINDER THAT THIS IS STRICTLY K+ HAS BEEN SENT TO THOSE INVOLVED**

After handing Josie a lollipop that she always had for these kinds of situations, and settling her down in a corner to sulk over years of disillusionment, Nicole came back.

"Never mind Anakin. We can call you Anakin, right?"

"Sure. My only other name is Darth Vader, but I only use that when Padme wants to play one of those horny dress up games. Only my true love can call me that.

Josie appeared suddenly next to the now towel-wrapped Anakin and flung her arms around him.

"Hello Darth."

Four Hours Later

After gently coaxing Anakin into the bed, tucking him in, and kissing him (On the cheek, mind you) goodnight, Nicole grabbed a very sweaty Josie and pulled her out of the room and down the hall.

It was a very long hall, so they walked for a while in silence before Nicole muttered, "You are so screwed."

Josie shined her nails. "Why?"

"If Ally finds out..."

"Wait, what? I just practically jumped a married man, and your wondered if ALY will find out?"

"Well, yeah."

Josie contemplated this for a bit.

"Oh my."

"Yeah." Nicole shrugged.

"Well, it's not like she'll ever find out, right?"

It was at this time that a high pitched scream began echoing from the bedroom.

"Oh no."

"This is why we need to start closing doors."

Running back to the room, they jumped inside, prepared for the worse. But nothing could prepare them for this.

First, though, we need to go back a little.

After Josie and Nicole hadn't showed up to throw pebbles at the incoming freshmen, Ally, Jaimee, and Sara became worried.

"This is Nicole's saving grace! How could they not have showed?"

It was then that their eyes fell on the sign. Suddenly, the girls flash-backed to several great adventures, one which involved chasing Edward Scissorhands with a syrup gun. Without further ado, the girls jumped through the door, ran through the poor bathroom that had seen oh so much, and came into a bedroom, were a very sweaty, but appropriately covered up Anakin Skywalker lay sleeping. He was having a nightmare about girls impersonations of robots and mechanical hand that had a (perverted) mind of its own, but it was nothing compared to finding, when he awoke, that three new girls in Catholic school-girl uniforms were playing itsy-bitsy-spider on his body. One girl had mistaken his man part for his middle finger, and started squeezing it.

And that is why, when Nicole and Josie came into the room, a Jedi knight was screaming like a girl because Sara had squeezed his "finger".

After Anakin had finished his extremely high pitched (and might we say, an excellent example of a soprano) wail, he jumped out of the bed and began sprinting toward the door, only to be stopped by a beaming Josie. Horrified, he looked around desperately, looking for an escape route. Unfortunately, he found none, and in less that a moment was being dog-piled by Sara, Josie, Aly, Jaimee, Nicole, and a Mary Sue.

Everyone suddenly stopped, except the Mary Sue.

"A MARY SUE!" Sara wailed. "But things were just getting interesting!"

The Mary Sue took one glorious, dancing step back from Anakin's shaking, barely covered privates, and frowned haughtily at the girls.

"My name is Aurora Contessaochi. I can dance, float, and I have a perfect, chemical free tan," she sang, giving a despairing glance to Ally, who's pale head bowed in shame.

"My hair is perfect, my body is perfect, I am perfect. And my mother died coming to this world. Slowly. That makes him rightfully mine."

"Yeah right." Jaimee snorted.

"This girl is worse than Padme." Nicole whispered.

"Tell me about it." said Anakin.

"EXCUSE ME?" squealed Padme.

"Oh dear."

**EVIL CLIFFIE!**

**So, tell me what you think! Advice is always appreciated.**

**From my friends and I, thank you for reading.**


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